Saturday, May 11, 2013
Let me say that there have been plenty of times that I have depended friends. High school friends were fun to be around. College friends helped me deal with becoming an adult. Friends helped me when I moved to a culture very different than mine. I have had some very good friends at some very important points in my life.
I am, however, more comfortable depending on myself. I am, as I have said several times, an introvert...a loner. I am stepping outside of this comfort zone more often but there are times it stresses me out more than it should. Last weekend was one of those times.
I signed up for the Diva Dash (a 5K obstacle course) a few months ago. I was asked to do it with some friends. At first, I wasn't going to do it as I don't like the team concept as I know I will be the one that they have to wait for and why they may not finish as fast as they would like. I did read that you could skip obstacles if you wanted to do so and I was finally convinced to sign up. I thought it would be a good introduction to obstacle races, which I thought I might like.
So, Sunday came and I started to get terrified about disappointing the team. Now mind you, it was a small team of friends but I knew there were real runners that I wouldn't like to drag down. I lamented the whole morning as I was prepping to leave. Tim, tired of listening to me, told me to just go and decide once I get up there whether I would do it or not. So, I headed off to meet up with the team for the ride up to the race.
One of the other women was also a bit nervous about the race. I am not sure why she would be because she is one of the real runners that I was talking about but the obstacles were the big unknown....but in my mind, she had nothing to worry about as I knew that she kicked ass at everything she does. Strange as it may seem, it was her nervousness that calmed me down a bit. I decided I would do the race, or at least start it, and go with the flow. Note I am not a "go with the flow" kind of person...but you probably could gather that from reading any of my posts.
We met up with the others and headed up to the race. It was a bit cold and we walked around the race site a bit, took photos, and before we knew it, our wave was starting. I knew that I would not be able to run it all as I haven't been running during my metabolic reset but I was going to have fun with it. I honestly would not have cared if my team left me behind but I don't think that was any of their natures.
The course was fun for the most part at first. I even climbed the cargo net. To be honest, I quickly took it on mostly because one of the women (not on my team) on the net before me froze at the top and took minutes to be convinced to get over the edge. By the time I was able to proceed, I knew I couldn't freeze at the top and I would have to just do it....so I did. I hate heights but I did it.
BUT then I ran into two obstacles in a row that I just couldn't mentally grasp. One was a wall to climb over and the other was this strap thing that you had to muscle through step by step. I know I mentally defeated myself on them. Maybe it was that it took everything I had mentally to do the cargo net. I don't know. I just know I couldn't wrap my mind around them so I skipped them.
Then I got mad. I got mad at myself for letting it beat me. I have been an emotional wreck for a few weeks now, getting some bad news about a family member, having issues with my leg, work has been busy and frustrating, this whole metabolic reset hasn't allowed me to really get my emotions out at the gym. I felt myself starting to close up after those two obstacles. I just wanted to quit right then
BUT I didn't because my friends wouldn't let me just sink into the sense of despair that I was trying to muck myself up with. Thanks to them, I carried on. I did the last of the obstacles and crossed that finish line with them. Yes, they had to wait on me. Yes, I felt horrible about it afterwards but we weren't doing it for time (none of us signed up as timed event). Yes, it was fun. It's good to have friends like that. I know I have some of the most awesome cheerleaders that are definitely there for support. Thanks to you all!
So, other than the Diva Dash, I did finish the first month of my metabolic reset at the gym. Talk about a boring month of workouts. Mind you, I sweated so that is a good thing but the workouts were not that inspiring. This month has started out much better. The workouts have increased in time and intensity. I am much happy with the workouts; however, from time to time, I am struggling with wanting to know if it is really doing any good. I guess I need to stick with it for another month before I will find out. But I would like to lift heavy things again...soon.
I will say though that last night's TEAM workout kicked my butt. There were just two of us in class so I think he decided to torture us a bit. I wasn't perfect but I got through it and loved (and hated) it. Note that this TEAM class is another stepping outside of that comfort zone thing that I am doing. I cleared it with my metabolic coach but I still do not like the TEAM concept of it all....but I am starting to be more comfortable with a couple of the people....so maybe some day I will actually seek out these types of things.