What I really learned at my first powerlifting competition and why I may never do one again....

So, yesterday I made a blog post about my first powerlifting competition. In that posting, I spoke about in some detail about effing up my first lift and a PR in my deadlift. While both of those things are true, I realized that I learned so much more than the actual lifting would indicate. So this is what I really learned from my first powerlifting competition and why I may never do one again.

First and foremost, my biggest lesson was there ain’t no one that looks good in a singlet. It really is not a fashion statement. Not a good look for any one, unless you are a cute little eight or nine year girl or boy, then it might be kinda adorable, especially when you are hitting weights bigger than some of the adults I see at the gym. Yeah, for them, it might be a good look.

Second and most importantly, I realized again how I have a great support system. I just can’t thank the people that came out to support me enough as well as those that were cheering for me from afar. I love you guys. It is funny how support comes from places you never would have thought. In my case, I do have family that loves me and I know this. My husband, of course, is unrelenting in his support but with my family beyond that, we have not always been able to show love to each other. We come from a heritage of very stoic people. But the morning of the competition, two of my brothers messaged me that morning to wish me luck. I love that. One of my brothers said one of the most important things to me in the past month or so. That failure is measurement of the mind and success is measured in the heart. I need this to always stick with me because it is important to know that YOU and YOU alone get to measure your success. I long have thought, unless I measured up to the world’s idea of what a success story is, I could not declare that I was one. No more. I am a success story…I’m just not done writing it.

I also have neighbors and co-workers that have seen me in the worst shape of my life and cheered me on as I made the decision to change. I have walked many miles with some of them. I have traveled and camped with some of them. There have been many encouraging emails sent between us. With them, I now feel totally comfortable being me. Although many of them could not be at the competition, I still felt their presence. They are like family to me and I love them.

Then there was the simple act of buying living social deals that brought into my life some of the people that support me no matter what. Who knew that a five session kettlebell deal would turn into friendships that have transformed me in ways I never expected. At the time, I don’t even know what possessed me to sign up for the deal except I knew I need more challenge in my life. I didn’t even have an idea what a kettlebell was other than the 8 pound one I used at the gym with my first trainer. The women that I met via this class (which by the way I continued well beyond the living social deal) have been with me as I have pursued many goals. They have seen me climb to the top of buildings, around stadiums, and to the top of mountains. We have had fun times around a camp fire and the dining room table, in front of a canvas or craft table, and just being with each other. They have seen so many changes in my life. I can confidently say that without them I would NOT have been at the powerlifting competition. I would not have done any of the events I have done to date without the encouragement to do the first one. They saw in me the strong woman I did not know I could be. I love them more than they will ever comprehend.

And of course, there is my gym family. Many at the gym that I am at now do not know how far I have come but I am always surprised by how many do. This is another group that knew how strong I could be before I even realized it myself. I will always be thankful that they have not given up on me. If it weren’t for a 90 day challenge at the gym and surprisingly a spin class demo, I would never have discovered just how much I love lifting. We had just had the team fitness class demo the week before. I loved it but was not willing to spring for the extra fee for the class. Then the next week it was the spin class demo. They were going around showing people how to adjust their bikes. No one came to help me and I had no clue what I was doing. I was walking out, when Ben (the team fitness trainer) stopped me and asked where I was going. I was frustrated by the bike. He took me back in and showed me how to adjust the bike and I made it through the class. I sensed right away that he was someone who wouldn’t let people give up. I knew I needed someone like that helping me figure out the next steps in my fitness journey. I signed up for team fitness and never looked back. Ben also introduced me to my first personal trainer at this gym, who really helped me come out of my shell and actually start enjoying my time at the gym. The trainers at the gym helped me see the beauty of lifting heavy weights, to understand how to do lift without injury or too much stress on my body, and to push towards goals. I am so grateful for each and every one of them but in particular for the ones that I have worked with over the past two years.

The third lesson I learned by doing the powerlifting competition and why I may never do one again is that I love to lift. I want to lift because I love it. I want to perform a good squat because it’s a good squat and not because there is a rule in a competition to get to certain depth. I want to deadlift without being told I have to wear long socks (I hate long socks). I want to lift heavy but I want to do so in a way that I don’t hurt myself and not just to be better than someone else. I want to break PRs but when I do so, I don’t need to be in front of a bunch of people that don’t know me. I want to train because I want to be strong. I want to push myself to new limits because it is only in doing so that I can grow. Mostly I just want to lift because I love to lift. I love to see my body get stronger. I love to push myself to new heights and new goals.

Well, I'll call a journey if I so choose...and I do

I know that lots and lots of people hate the word "journey" to describe the work they are doing on changes to their lifestyle whatever they may be -- getting fit, losing weight, improving health, managing stress, any two or more of the previous items, etc. But to me, if you like the word, use it. It is, after all, YOUR work and YOUR effort. You can describe it with every words you choose. So, I am going to use journey because the past years have been a journey for me.

The truth is we are all different. What I need to do to keep moving towards my goals is very different than what you need to do. Of course, my goals are likely very different than yours too. In fact, my goals today are very different than my goals were a few years, even a few months, ago. The key is to figure out what YOU need to do to reach your goals. This doesn't mean that others and what they are doing might not help you figure out what you need to do but it does mean that we shouldn't get discouraged if what someone else is doing doesn't work for you...that it doesn't get you closer to your goals. Don't listen to the naysayers as they try to tell you that you are doing it wrong. If it is working for you and helping you find the life you want, then who are they to tell you to do something different?

It's so easy to be swayed by other stories of success. It is easy to jump from plan to plan without giving the first enough time to see if it is going to help you be successful. I've done that...I still do it but I'm learning to stick to a plan. I learning to see success in small things and not always be looking for the big signs of success. I am learning to R E L A X about perceived plateaus in some areas no matter how long they may be as long as I am seeing progress in other areas. Ok. I haven't lost as much weight as I would have liked in 2014...but the inches I lost and the strength I gained cannot be ignored.

Regarding stalls in the journey, all you can do is to learn and move onward. The real success is hitting these roadblocks and NOT retreating...not going backwards. Fortunately, even though my weight loss progress is not as quick as others, there hasn't been any retreating...any laying down of the sword and giving up. That's not to say that I haven't gained a few pounds back from to time. It is to say that I kept fighting. It's not to say that I haven't been frustrated but I've never been close to just throwing in the towel.

Part of the reasons that I have not given up is that I really LOVE working out. I really LOVE being and getting stronger. I LOVE how I feel these days. I LOVE being more confident about who I am. I LOVE having the new circle of friends I have and LOVE that they keep accountable. I LOVE the group of experts that I know and provide advice and encouragement. I LOVE being an athlete...a lifter of heavy things. I LOVE that most of the time I do the best I can...it may not be better than what others can do....but it is better than I did yesterday. I LOVE that when I don't do as well as I can, I am learning to just hike up my big girl pants and move on.

The other thing I have learned is to be flexible about goals. When I first started my journey, it was all about the numbers on the scale and losing weight. I was a point in my life that I knew I couldn't go on if I didn't. Before too long, it become more about becoming healthier and getting better numbers with my blood work so that I would not have to be maintenance drugs (and partially to prove a previous doctor that she was wrong). When I finally started working out, it was about being able to do cardio and move with some sort of endurance. Then it became about being stronger. I discovered so many things at the gym that I loved...kettlebell workouts, boxing, and weight lifting. I found that I could be strong. Now, it is more about living a life that I want to live...to do things I want to do...to enjoy time with family and friends....to get to the top of 14ers...to enjoy the outdoors...to do more than simply exist.

I recently read this blog. My favorite quote in the blog is "All this to say, and I've said it before, success is about consistency, embracing imperfection, and being proud of your best, where your best is the healthiest life that you can enjoy living, not the healthiest life that you can tolerate."

This speaks volumes to me. I am still learning to embrace imperfections, to live a life that is the healthiest for where I am but the key is I am still learning and moving forward on my journey. I am learning to learn from what goes right and what goes wrong. I am learning to stick with something to see if it going to move me forward on my journey. Things may not always be perfect but I'm on this journey and committed for a lifetime.

Workout log...getting sweaty

I am going to try logging some of my workouts. I'm not sure I will do it daily but I am going to try. So, today Saturday January 10th was a metabolic conditioning workout. Today I did a workout that was a really sweaty one. I did ten rounds of the following, trying to stop as little as possible and never during my deadlifts:

• 15 deadlifts with115 pounds
• 1 minute plank
• 10 pushups with touching my chest to the ground.

It was a very sweaty workout. I will admit that I had to reset during the last two planks for about 2 seconds after the first 45 or so seconds both times. I did stop a bit between some sets but for the most part I kept moving.

At the end, I was SWEATY. My headband was soaked. My abs were sore. My body was shaky. I loved it. It was a great workout.

Also, I recently set another PR with my deadlift. My one rep max is now 250 pounds. It was a confidence boost for the new year. I love getting stronger. During that same workout, I even did five reps at 235, my old one rep max. 

So, I hope to include more quick workout updates throughout the year. Let's see how well I do on that.

By the way, tomorrow is a rest day so there won't be a workout post.

More later.

It's Time to JUST DO

It is 2015. Time to refocus. In fact, my word for the year is "focus". There are many things that I need to focus on in my life...my husband, my career, my gym life, my lifestyle....oh so much.

This post is specifically about the gym. Recently, I have been taken to task about what I am doing at the gym. Whether comments made by my trainer were meant to do it or not, I realized that I do more living in how far I have come than making progress on where I want to go. In many ways, the past few days I have felt like a fraud at the gym. I have way too many people commenting on how well I am doing when if the truth was known, I should be doing better. Sure, I am light years from where I was but who really cares about the past? It is about the now and preparing for the future.

As was pointed out to me, I think too much when lifting at the gym. It is going to stop. I am going to just start doing. Honestly, I got caught up in perfecting my form and would get in my head every time something went wrong. This has impeded my progress. So, this coming year is all about focusing on progress. I feel ready to make this step.

 It's not going to be easy because I am an over thinker. I analyze everything and I know it. It is going to take a lot of effort to clear my mind. But it is time to stop thinking too much and JUST DO.

It is also time to stop talking about what I am going to do and JUST DO. I am going to take all the insight I had over the past few days (which I will not go into but, as far as the gym goes, the past few days almost had me giving up...but I can't do that) and apply it to my lifting.

Tomorrow Tim and I are going to take photos to have them for progress comparisons during the year. Photos and measurements are definitely the best way to measure progress. It's time to JUST DO.

2014 was not what I expected

So, I had a list of 50 things that I wanted to do this year. It was to be my "epic" year. How did I do? Well, I did not accomplish those 50 things that I set out to do. But, you know what? I still had an epic year!

What did I do this year? Here is my year in review (items not in chronological order):

1. I completed the Susan G. Komen -- 60 miles in 3 days.
2. I climbed a 14er, which honestly was the most fulfilling things I did this year.
3. I took lots and lots of photos.
4. I participated in the Commitment run on New Year's Day.
5. I climbed the Republic Plaza and cut my previous time by one-third.
6. I tried raw oysters (and liked them).
7. I went tent camping in Durango.
8. I tried paddle boarding (didn't quite make it to my feet but I tried).
9. I did the incline.
10. I did the incline again.
11. I made sauerkraut.
12. I crocheted a doll blanket for a friend's daughter.
13. I crocheted a baby blanket for a friend.
14. I crocheted baby booties that looked like converse shoes.
15. I crocheted baby booties and hat.
16. I created a crocheted kettlebell.
17. I participated in the winter 90 day challenge at the gym.
18. I deadlifted 205 pounds.
19. I deadlifted 235 pounds, multiple reps.
20. I participated in a single day alpha challenge at the gym (and came in 6th out of like 16 women).
21. I participated in the fall 90 day challenge at the gym.
22. I participated in the national alpha challenge at the gym.
23. I completed the Cherry Creek sneak.
24. I walked in the Furry Scurry.
25. I camped at Woodland Park.
26. I attempted the never ending hike at the Rampart Reservior.
27. I completed the never ending hike at the Rampart Reservior.
28. I climbed at Sports Authority field.
29. I threw a football on the field at Sports Authority field (where the Denver Broncos play).
30. I climbed at Red Rocks for the 9-11 memorial stair climb.
31. I volunteered at the Alzheimer's walk.
32. I got a tattoo for my sister.
33. I did the Relay for Life with my niece.
34. I took an archery class.
35. I spent a weekend in New York City, without plans, just walking around.
36. I lived through my first encounter with a rattlesnake out on a hike. :)
37. I walked Waldo Canyon.
38. I plunged into the Aurora Reservoir as part of a Polar Plunge.
39. I bought a stranger his Starbucks.
40. I tried many new recipes.
41. I walked well over 5 million steps (mostly thanks to the training for the 3 Day walk).
42. I ate bear.
43. I hiked Castlewood Canyon.
44. I read Moby Dick.
45. I did 1500 burpees in the month of February.
46. I saw the sunrise at the ocean.
47. I saw the sunset at the ocean.
48. I am definitely wearing smaller jeans than I was at the beginning of the year.
49. I learned a lot about lifting and am learning that I need to push myself more.
50. I shared a cheap bottle of champagne.

So, there are definitely 50 things I did during the year that were, for the most part, things I would not have considered doing in the past. I know there were more things but this list is pretty good.

I am keeping my list of the 50 things and will update it as I complete things. I still think it is a good "bucket list". Some of my issues this year were that I did not account for how much time the training for the 3 Day walk would take. It consumed most of my weekends. In addition, I have decided that lifting is more important than running so that removed a lot of things from the list for the past year. Nonetheless, I loved my year.

2014 was a good year and I am looking forward to 2015.

Some times you have to dig deep....

November 21st through the 23rd, I completed the Susan G. Komen 3 Day walk in San Diego. Let me say that it was an event like no other. It was an exhilarating and it was emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausting. It was a time of crowds of people and a time of solitude. It was a time of being way out of my comfort zone and a time of personal discovery. It was time of memories of the past and a time of looking forward to the future. It was a time of laughter and a time of tears. It was a time of conversation and a time of few words.

Let me see if I can recap it.  The event started with the opening ceremony early on Friday morning...a rainy morning. Once we finally got on the road, we were thrilled to see a rainbow arching across the sky.

During the first few miles, we had our first view of the ocean. Walking along the ocean over much of the first day, I realized just how much I miss it from living in San Juan and the east coast. But I also realized that I'm happy where I am now too. I am truly enjoying discovering who I am through the adventures in Colorado.

There were pit stops on the way. I carried most of my own snacks as the foods that were available from the event just do not fit into my lifestyle. I also had plenty of ultima replenisher, an electrolyte replacement with better than most ingredients.

I will say that the number of supporters and "walker stalkers" along the route simply amazed me. I had no idea that there would be so much support from spectators like this. They had so many things available to walkers -- water, coffee, various food items, sunscreen, etc. The best part to me was the people that brought their dogs to event. I took every opportunity to stop and pet the dogs along the way.

Each day there was a hill. I am very grateful that I live in Colorado and did some hill training and hiking this summer. Although not a breeze by any means, the hills were very doable.

Honestly, the downhill that we hit right before lunch was definitely more difficult than this hill was. BUT the reward was lunch on the beach. It was a good break. I changed sock and felt refreshed. After a short talk with my friend, I hit the road again. Most of the first day, I walked alone by choice. I needed the time to think.

After twenty plus miles (over 63,000 steps), I reached camp. Again I was astounded by the helpful volunteers, helping put up tents, etc. After a snack, a much needed shower, and dinner, I found that several friends had sent me cards and letters to the camp. It was quite a boost to read them. I must say that I have the BEST support system. I often do not feel worthy of the immense support I get from them. After reading my letters, stretching, rolling out my hamstrings and talking to my husband, I collapsed in my sleeping bag.

The next day we would leave camp and walk about another 20 miles. We would however return to same campsite that night. This day was interesting for me. It actually took me out of my comfort zone in a couple of ways. First, there were the bridges...lots and lots of bridges. I am no a fan at heights like this but I managed over each one of them. It was also in the first few miles that my shoes were bothering me. I had replaced the shoe laces and just couldn't get them tied appropriately. I stopped many times to relace them and try various ways of tying them.

Then, I was walking behind a woman and noticed her stride looked strange. I asked her if she was okay. It turned out that she was hurting. Her knee was really bothering her. I promised her that I would stay with her until we could get to a medical tent, where they could wrap her knee. We walked to the next stop, but it turned out to be one without medical help. After that stop, was the hill for the day. I asked her if she wanted to get the sweep van but she really wanted to finish the day. I so could understand that so we started up the hill. As we walked along the hill, she had to stop several times. I found myself encouraging her, giving her milestones to reach. She did well, even though she was in a lot of pain. We finally reached a medical tent and I bid her well.

I then walked alone again. It was during the downhill that I realized just how bad my right foot, in particular, was doing. Reaching the lunch break, I decided to go to self care for blisters. I spoke to the people there about the hot spot. Taking off my foot, I was dismayed to discover a huge blister on my right outer heel. In addition to that, I had an annoying hot spot just below my big toe on the sole of my right foot. They helped me with nu skin and moleskin. I set off.

This is where I almost gave in. The moleskin was making my hot spot worse. The walk took us along the board walk, where it was loud and filled with people that were drunk, supportive but drunk. I considered taking the sweep van....but if you know anything about me, I just couldn't do it. I had to finish the full walk. Finally I reached the next pit stop and talked to the medical crew. Here, we decided to remove the moleskin and see if it was any better. I would stop at the next pit stop if I needed help....and I was in tears by the time I reached the last stop. It was only a bit more than two miles to the finish of day 2. I just had to finish. The medical crew helped me by putting a new moleskin on in a slightly different position.

I then struggled through the last two plus miles, fortunately it was along the beach so I was a bit distracted. I finally made it. My friend was waiting for me at the finish as was one of the medical guys. I was so very happy to have made it. Again, a snack, shower, and dinner, followed by a walk around the camp and lots of stretching, I was in my sleeping bag by 7:30. Yep, I was sleeping as the camp partied. I am getting old.

The third day started with a beautiful sunrise and a visit to the medical tent, where they drained the big blister and put more moleskin on the hot spot. It felt okay and I knew the day was going to be somewhat shorter than the other days so I felt good about it.

So, we started off. At the first pit stop, I had to stop and have them check out my foot. Here they tried to drain the spot on the sole of my foot. Man, that hurt but honestly it felt somewhat better and I walked on. I was again boosted by all the dogs along the route and of course the palm trees and views of the water. I had to stop again and have the large blister drained again and now my little toe on my right foot was cramping up. I know part of it was because my stride was slightly off due to the blister  and hot spot (which now seemed to be a blood blister). The medical crew fixed me up and I walked on.

A word about the safety crews and the San Diego bike patrol...wow, the support and encouragement from them all was amazing. One guy would not let you go by him without a smile. It was his way of making sure you were doing okay. It was good thing. And of course the walker stalkers continued to be there. Amazing support from people.

After the hill for the day, which was not much of a hill compared to the ones from the prior days, we stopped for lunch. My foot was holding out but I was worried if it was going to be downhill I could be in trouble. I was assured that it was pretty much flat from there to the finish and the next and last medical stop was about three miles away. I decided that I would go on without a check in on my foot and stop at the next one if I needed to do so.

This part of the walk was not the most scenic part of the walk as we were in the city. It was a struggle but I carried on. I was limping horribly by the time I got to the final pit stop. I begged the medical crew to do whatever they had to do to get me to finish the final three or so miles. The hot spot was rewrapped. The blister was touched up. There was no way I was not going to finish when I was so close. I got myself together and hit the road.

After what seemed to be much more than three miles, I was finally just blocks from the finish. I couldn't help but tear up...okay, cry. At one point, we walked through a group of the bike patrol. They were high fiving walkers as they passed. I guess my tears made them think I needed hugs, because I got hug after hug. Others along the way were just as emotional. So many of us were reflecting on who and/or why we were doing the walk. What we went through on a 60 mile walk around San Diego paled in comparison to the fight for life that so many went through or are currently dealing with.

At the finish, I joined the group of people that were cheering others as they entered the stadium. At one point, I saw a woman just crying as she went through the crowd. I didn't know her but I felt compelled to hug her. I did and she clunged to me. I saw the medical guy that helped me on that second day. Then I saw my friend and the group she was with. I joined them as they celebrated the finish.

The closing ceremony was emotional and one of hope. I am very happy that I did this event. My recap cannot even began to describe what I learned about myself during this time. It cannot describe the emotional journey I went through on the walk. It cannot describe how deep I had to dig to finish with the foot pain. It cannot describe how much I thought about my sister and how much I missed her as I walk along the routes. She would have loved the beaches and the palm trees. She would have laughed at the dogs as the lined the route. I think she would be proud of me for taking on the challenge. She would have been happy that I found that I have a lot of "SISU" in me.

Screaming prairie dogs...

Today was my last long training walk for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day. Am I ready? I believe I am. I have walked 100's of miles. I have walked through the cold of January, the heat of summer, the rain in August. I have hiked several trails. I climbed a 14er. I walked alone. I walked with friends. 

I am amazed that people have done multiple 3 day walks. Some of these people even do more than one in a single year. The time commitment to train for an event is daunting. I'm not sure that I will do it again as it seems like every spare moment I have had was spent walking. It has kept me from doing a lot of other things, including blogging.

That's not to say that it wasn't worth it or that I regret that I am doing it. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am glad that I am doing it. I am proud that I made it through the training. I will be even prouder when I can honor my sister's memory by walking with others for three days. I look forward to celebrating life with survivors. I look forward to supporting others that have lost important people in their lives. 

I don't quite know what to expect but I'm ready. I leave Friday to go to New York City for a few days. I will be back for one day before I leave to go to San Diego. It will be a bit stressful. Sleeping in a tent city in San Diego worries me a bit but I know it will be okay. I look forward to sharing this experience with lots of people when I return.

And by the way, I also have new a deadlift PR...235 pounds. I can't wait until I can concentrate more on the lifting and less on the walking. 

Toads on the roads...

The mental game is hard. A lot of the time my mind is the thing that holds me back. I can't tell you how often my mind holds me back from lifting a weight when physically I am perfectly capable of lifting it. There have been so many times that seeing no change on the scale, even though I know there have been major changes in my body composition, would change my mental state for days.

One of the biggest mental battles has been my reflection in the mirror. Until recently, the mirror still reflected the person I was. No matter the progress I have made I still felt like I was as big as I ever was. I grew confident in many areas at the gym but I still struggle with feeling like nothing had changed when I looked in the mirror.

Over the past few weeks that has been changing. I FINALLY feel like I am seeing the changes that others have seen. I am FINALLY seeing the changes that have been verified by the number of sizes I have lost.

I look in the mirror and, although I am not where I will be in the future, I know that I am making progress. There are muscles that I can not only feel but am seeing. I see a happy face looking back at me when I catch a glimpse in a mirror.

I'm not saying that I will not struggle with this again but I do feel like I have made a major step in winning at the mental game.There is a new confidence in my life because of this. I feel good about this. I am happy about this. I am ready to face the next phase of my life. I am loving this new found confidence.

Today I finally watched this video that as been going around social media.

I love the whole mirror sequences. I love that these women could see how others in their life saw them. May we all live our lives like we are enough....because we are.

Pink dolphin floating through the air

So, a few weeks ago, my husband and I were driving along and, as we merged onto a major road in the area, we noticed a pink dolphin shaped pool toy floating through air above the stoplight. It was a surreal sight.

Yesterday was a bit surreal for me as well. I met a huge challenge I had for myself this year. I climbed a mountain. A real mountain. A fourteener. In Colorado, we have the most fourteeners in the contiguous U.S. It is a challenge that I NEVER thought I would accomplish. Last year I had tried to climb one but the talus (rock) field scared me and I turned back at 13,600 in elevation. Hiking on a sprained ankle, it was probably the best decisions.

This year I made it a goal to attempt another one. This time I made it to the summit.

The trip report
The mountain I chose was Handies Peak. It was a five hour drive from home but I had a friend near the mountain who had suggested it and said that if it worked out, I would have a place to stay with her and her husband. I then asked a friend if she was interested in climbing with me. I chose this particular friend because I knew that I wouldn't overly stress if I slowed her down. I also knew that the event itself would be challenging enough that I didn't need the extra stress of moving faster than I should and Stephanie would understand that. Plus I like her and we would be spending a lot of time on the trail so that was kind of important too. Stephanie said yes and we set a date that worked with my friend in Lake City.

We prepared for the hike, gathering all the things that we would need to be prepared for a 14er. I am by no stretch of the imagination a mountain person but I know that certain things are necessary when attempting something like this.

We met up Thursday afternoon and drove to Lake City. We met up with Linda and she showed us her lovely little town. We talked with her and Bob for a some time and made a plan to leave their home at 5:00 in the morning to get up to the trailhead. We would drive my car to the two-wheel trailhead and they would take us on to the four-wheel drive trailhead. This meant that we would be doing a loop. The ascent would be approximately 2.75 miles and the descent would be 4 miles. But the descent would also be on the class 2 trail, while the ascent would be on the class 1 trail. That kind of scared me but I trusted Linda and Bob.

Here was the first lesson I learned. I had researched the trail quite a bit on line. The write-ups on various websites indicated that we could get a two-wheel drive vehicle to about a mile from the four-wheel drive trailhead and then walk up the road that mile and do the up and down in the same route. Linda and Bob both indicated that the road really was not appropriate for a two-wheel drive so we adjusted our plans. The lesson is to do your research but be flexible and talk to people who now the trails and roads.

So, we woke up early. It was dark...very dark...as we drove out to the trail. It was also cold. In fact, there was frost and ice on the the puddles as we drove. Part of the drive was an unguarded shelf road with lots and lots of pot holes. I was so glad when the parking area we were leaving my car came into sight. Bob was so gracious to drive us onto the next trailhead. As we drove the remaining road, we could see how right they were about revising our trip plan to ascend on one trail and descend on the other. We finally got to the trailhead and the sky was brightening as the sun was rising.

Stephanie and I got ready and started down the path. My anxiety level was high and as normal, I started out too fast and had to slow down. Both of us were climbing with poles for the first time. I am still not sure what I think about them. We climbed up and out of the American Basin before we could see Handies Peak in the distance. There was one creek crossing, which was not mentioned in any of the trip reports we had read but it was not bad. Everything was frosty and cold. We had missed the height of wildflower season but it was still pretty.

We continued to climb, reading our trip information as we climbed. We were glad to have photos of the trail as we could easily follow where we were going. The sun continued to rise but most of the ascent was done in the shade. The climb wasn't difficult yet and we even took a few steps out of our way to go see Sloan's Lake.

We then got to the talus field. I was a little nervous because this is what had turned my back last year. This talus field was nothing like the one on Bierstadt (the mountain I had attempted last year). We worked our way through it, with a only few places that were a bit precarious and slippery due to the frost.

After the talus field, it was bit more of a climb up to the summit. It wasn't easy but it was totally doable. The views were amazing. The whole idea that I may actually complete a fourteener was a bit overwhelming. 

Just before the steepest part of the ascent, my cell phone actually got service and I received a text from husband. He texted me the following Dr. Seuss quote:

"Onward up many a frightening creek, 

though your arms may get sore 

and your sneakers may leak. 

Oh! The places you'll go!"

I started to tear up and realize just what an amazing accomplishment this was. To think that a few years ago, I was afraid that I might not even wake up when I went to sleep because I was in such pitiful shape. And it was not that long ago that I would not have had the courage to try such a thing but thanks to so many people in my life, I found the confidence to try things and to push myself outside of my comfort zone. Before I knew it, we were at the summit. We had made it. We stopped for a bit to refuel, take pictures, and celebrate with others that also had reached the summit.

 We then started down the other trail. At first, it did not seem that bad but then we hit a very steep area with a significant drop off and lots of loose rock. It was almost enough to send us back to the summit and back the other side but we worked it out. It was about half mile of butt sliding through the field of rock. It took a full hour to get through it. It was a bit terrifying but we were smart about it and hugged the side of the cliff and sat on our butts most of the time. It was cold and muddy. We were so relieved when we were done with this portion of the descent.

After that, the next part of the descent was not bad at all. In fact, it felt flat but when we looked back on it, we could see that it was a bit of a decline. The descent continued and continued. We were slow as there was many areas of slippery rocks. The poles did come in handy then. 

We had to cross a creek several times. If I remember correctly, it was about seven times. The write-up indicated that it would be two to three times. Again, you have to do your research but be flexible.

We finally hit the tree line but the hike never seemed to end. I was exhausted and just wanted to get back to the car but the declines just keep going on and on. In so many ways, the down was so much harder than the up. I know that I was slightly dehydrated and I need to be more careful about the hydrating and fueling the next time.

We finally got to the parking lot, drank some coconut water, ate a little bit and then drove down to the town. The ride down, which I thought would terrify me, wasn't so bad...after all, I had just climbed a fourteener. I had accomplished something that I never thought I would.

Post trip report
Today I have been reflecting on what I did yesterday. It is a bit surreal...kind of like a pink dolphin floating through the air. My body is sore but I actually worked out today. I have been doing a lot of mobilization work. At the gym, I shared my triumph with many who have seen the changes in me over the past couple of year. Even though most did not know me at my worst, they have seen significant changes in my confidence and sense of self-worth. 

I have gone from someone who was a complete and utter mess, a broken soul, a lazy morbidly obese woman who did not care for herself to someone who takes on challenges, who is healthy and getting fit, someone who is happy, who is okay with being pushed outside of her comfort zone, who is learning that sometimes you do not succeed at things but the times you do are AMAZING. 

One big thing I realized over the days is that I have a lot of cheerleaders, a lot of supporters. I often think that I am alone in my struggles and that people don't really notice the accomplishments but know it's not true. My husband is my biggest supporter and I love him for that. I also have so many other supporters in my group of friends, co-workers, gym people. I am learning to appreciate their support and accept their kudos. After all, compared to where I was, where I am today is ASTONISHING.

I am so proud of myself and can't wait to take on more challenges in the future....and do more fourteeners. 

I am defining my limitations and then defying them.

Some additional comments on September 1st -- There was a moment or two or three that I just wanted to sit down and cry...this was only on the way down. The way up was exhilarating. I know next time it won't be so bad. 


We ran into a lot of people as we were going down that were going up the Class 2 trail. They did not appear to be prepared at all. There was even a woman in a lace skirt and tights. Really? I doubt she made it up the talus cliff but maybe she did...if she did, she was lucky. 


Someone commented below that this probably changed my life more than I realize and I think it is true. I NEVER would have imagined that I would have the courage or confidence to do this. Of course, I never thought I had the ability to do the incline and I have done it several times now. I am excited about where my life goes next.

Magpies on the fence....

I just got back from an eight mile walk around the neighborhood. It was a quiet pedestrian paced walk and gave me a lot of time to think. I thought about something that a friend said while we were climbing to the top of the incline. Every time I apologized for being so slow, she would say "Wherever I am, that is where I'm supposed to be."  Yeah, she is kind of zen like that. Me -- not so much but it can't hurt to learn from this and try to apply it to various parts of my life.

This led me to think a lot about the fact that yet again I am losing my trainer at the gym. This will be the fourth trainer that I have been with in the past few years. I started to think about what I have learned from each of them.

The first was Shelby. I liked Shelby and she definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone; however, my comfort zone was pretty small at the time. I don't think she ever realized just how small it was. I used to get so upset after stepping on the scale with her. Nothing we did together seemed to help the scale move. I logged my food, I did cardio every day, I did body pump classes and zumba, and I worked out with Shelby twice a week. I wanted to lift real weights but instead we did a lot of work on the bosu ball and with dumbbells. I kept at it as there is one thing about me - I do not give up easily.

After Shelby left that club, I spoke with the manager at the gym about getting paired up with another trainer. The manager made me feel like a total failure by telling me that after all the months of working with Shelby, I basically had failed by not having more progress on the scale. I didn't realize at the time that progress had been made in so many other areas but this conversation set me in a tail spin about my fitness journey. I never renewed my membership when it was up a few months later.

After that because of a fortuitous purchase of a Groupon, I discovered kettlebells. At my first official class (after the required "how to" class), I met Kristin. What can I say about Kristin? I quickly grew to like her. After a few months, we started training one on one once a week. We did a lot of kettlebell work in addition to the classes I was also doing. Kristin was with me when I started to run and do events. Because of Kristin, I did my first stair climb. She was with me at so many 5Ks and the 10K where I ran every step. We did several other stair climbs together. She was at the start and finish line when I did the Boulder half marathon. I cried when she hugged me at the finish line. I met so many great people with her. Kristin became and still is a very dear friend. I love Kristin even though she abandoned me (ok...she met a guy, got married, moved away and had a baby...all good things). Through Kristin, I learned how courageous I could be, how I could do anything I decided to do....except side planks....I hated those and would get so frustrated about them. 

Eventually, I joined the gym I am at today. I have loved the facilities since day one and a few months after joining, I started a team class. This class introduced me to circuit training and the idea that I could be physically strong. I liked it a lot but did become a bit bored with the same weight machines over and over again. I also got it in my head that I wanted to deadlift, that I wanted to work with free weights. Because of this, I decided to start working with a trainer again. This is when I met Travis.

As you know, I am an introvert. I don't take a liking to people very quickly. Travis, however, I immediately liked. Even in the first day training with him, I told him things that I never thought I would. Travis introduced me to a lot of things on the free weights and other machines around the gym. We also did a lot of kettlebell things, which I loved. I still had my moments of fear though...I remember him telling me to do Russian twists and I refused, basically in tears. I have no idea why, other than I had attempted them before and had failed. I rarely refused to do anything that he asked me to do so I am sure that it surprised him.

I worked with Travis twice a week for a few months. I remember that I had a session the morning after I was called to make my way home if I wanted to see my sister before she passed. I will always be grateful for his kindheartedness during this time. I doubt he will ever know how much it meant to me.

Then a bit over a month and half later, he told me he was leaving. It was, as dramatic as it sounds, devastating to me. I had finally felt like I was making some substantial progress at this gym and now the guy that had helped me realize so much of it was leaving. I really did not think that anyone could help me as much as he had. Before he left, he arranged for me to work with another trainer, Adam.

I hated Adam the first few times I worked out with him. He put me through workouts that just did not feel challenging. I was doing things like planks and glute bridges with him. What I really wanted to do was lift weights...heavy weights. I really thought that he did not think I was capable of much, that he was another in a line of people that thought all I was just a fat person that really didn't belong in the gym.

After quite a few sessions, things finally started to click with him. He started showing me the beauty and power of true weight lifting. I learned so much about the mechanics of the various lifts. Because of him, I was able to meet my goal of a deadlift in excess of 200 pounds. He coaches me through the various movements. He has helped me understand that it is not all about the number on the scale. Working with Adam, I don't feel like an old fat woman but rather someone who is definitely uncovering true strength.

He definitely has pushed me out of my comfort zone (which has grown quite a bit larger). I won't lie. He has made me cry on several occasions (the thought of jumping (broad jump, box jumps, etc) sends chills down my spine). BUT he has made me feel so accomplished as well. His continual encouragement and insights on things like bad days have helped so much. I feel strong and powerful. I am a weight lifter.

Yesterday, he told me he was only going to be with the club for two more weeks. I'm sad about this, but I am not devastated. I know that because of how much I have learned from him, I can lift on my own. If I do work with another trainer, I know what I want to learn from them and will be able to communicate it. I still have a lot to learn but am confident I can continue to make progress.

I do Russian twists on my own now. I can hold a side plank for at least 30 seconds. I have even progressed to jumping on a step raised up on four risers. Maybe in the next two weeks I can actually do a box jump. I am learning a lot about three things I need for success (Rest, eat well and enough,....and oh rest). In so many ways, I am grateful to all the trainers I have worked with throughout the years. Each of them have touched my life in very different ways. 

So, goodbye, Adam. I will miss you. I hope we keep in touch so that some day you will be able to see how far I have come on my fitness journey. Know that I appreciate everything you have taught me and will always be grateful that you believed in me. You have definitely shown me that it is not too late to be what I might have been. Thank you.

Side note -- What does the title "Magpies on the fence" have to do with any of this? Nothing. It was just one of the many things I saw on my walk this morning and I liked it. I'm a little crazy like that. 

 

From critical mass to alpha training...

I haven't posted in some time. Truth be told I was struggling. I had lost my confidence. I struggled at the gym. I was not sure about lifting. I felt old. I thought it was ridiculous that I was trying to be a weight lifter. I had no confidence.

Instead of wallowing in my self pity, I knew I had to do something to regain the confidence I once had. This was a very different reaction for me. It would typically take me days and days to recover as I would just wait to "get over it." This time I was taking steps to resolve the issue.

The first step I took was to take the day off and go to the Manitou Incline. I knew that getting to the top would be a great accomplishment. It is a tough hike but it is so worth it. That day I started later than I wanted to and it was hot. I went slow but I made it to the top. I had to keep reminding myself why I was doing it and reminding myself that I could do it. I wanted to cry when I made it to the top that I was now able to do this type of activity. There was a day that I knew I was at a point that I wasn't sure if I was going to be live much longer if I didn't make changes. Now I was climbing mountains.

The next step I took was to participate in an Alpha challenge at the gym. Well, actually I was already participating in a national Alpha challenge at the gym but this time I was doing a live challenge with others at the gym. It was a tough challenge with 3 events. The first was 1,000 meter row followed by burpees in six minutes. Your score was the number of burpees you did. I will admit it was hard. My hips were tight from the incline the previous day but I did it. I managed to finish the rowing second in my heat of four people but only got in 10 burpees. I placed 10 out of 12 in this event. Not great but I was doing it.

The second event was another six minute timed round of 5 barbell thrusters followed by 10 kettlebell swings. Your score was how many reps you completed in the time limit. I managed to get through six rounds, or 90 reps. I did more than anyone else in my heat...and as a matter of fact, finished first for the female in this event.

The next event was pullups, pushups and box jumps or step ups. Well, there was an alternative to do TRX rows instead of pullups and I took that alternative. You had to do four rounds of the three exercises. Your score was the time it took. There was a penalty for doing the simpler TRX rows but I still finished first in my heat and 6th in the event.

Overall, I finish 6 of 12 for females in the challenge but more importantly I had a LOT of fun and pushed myself. I was out of my comfort zone the whole time but I didn't let it bother me. I just did what I could and pushed through it. It was an amazing boost of confidence.

By the way, I was likely the oldest in the challenge by several years. Realizing this made me even feel more empowered. Also, the national challenge finish this past week as well. I was pleased to find out that I finished 71 out of 248 that finished the challenge in the "Masters division."

It is so crazy to realize just how far I have come. Not only physically but also in my ability to step outside of my comfort zone and push through things that would have seemed impossible a few years ago.

I am in a better place now. I am having fun lifting again. I still am working on form and can't always get things as quickly as I like when I am training with my trainer but that's okay. I keep working on it. I am researching things, reading a lot, watching videos.

Looking for the next time to be able to step outside of my comfort zone...and in the meantime I will be working on my pullup!

Rethinking my list of 50 things....

First, here is my latest item that is achieved, the periwinkle tattoo. I sat for it Saturday. It was not the most pleasant experience but it wasn't horrible either. The worst part was that I did a lot of squats and lunges that morning. Sitting for two hours was not easy.

I am reworking my list. It may not seem right to some of you but I stated it earlier that I would change what I need to change as the year went on. Some items will be moved to a "bucket list" for future consideration.

Reasons for the rework -- I'm not running. I am done with it for now. I need to replace those items on my list. The other reasons involved time/money...mostly time. I am not sure I will be able to get the travel in that I was planning on this year. I am taking some days off to do some other activities around here so I will not have a lot of vacation days to allot to the travel aspects of things. As I have discovered how much I love Olympic lifting and how much I enjoy working with my trainer. I want to continue to do this and not stress about the financial aspects of it. So, I am making the decision to forgo some of the travel.

So, I will be reworking it over the next few days and posting an update soon.

When you and your dog can fit into your clothes, is it time to purge?

I know it's silly but I have a hard time letting go of some things....clothing in particular. Part of it is because I hate shopping to replace the clothing. Part of it is because it is a bit of a safety net. Most of it is because some of the pieces represent a comfort zone that is hard for me to leave. This is particularly true of my jean jacket. I remember being so relieved when this jacket finally fit me.

When I first started wearing it, the sleeves were tight and it barely buttoned....but that was okay. It was a jean jacket, something that I made me feel good when I wore it. Since I hate shopping and fashion so much and of course because of my size, I didn't really have anything that made me feel good.

Over the past few years, I continued to wear the jacket, even though it was looser and looser every time I wore it. Lately I have started to purge items from my closet. I have realized that part of the issues with my feelings of lack of progress is that I am still wearing clothes that are falling off of me. Some of these clothes I stuffed myself into when I weighed my highest weight. I am not really sure how. I blogged about jeans that I had to get rid of here. During Lent, I donated forty pieces of clothing.

Now that both me and one of my dogs can fit into this jacket, it is time for it to go. It is hard to get rid of it. I liked this jacket but it is time to let go. The jeans I have on in the photo below are also close to hitting the donation pile. This all means that I have to go shopping....UGH....but wearing clothes that actually fit me and are a much smaller size is a boost to my ego! It is silly as it is, it is a big step out of that comfort zone.