Saturday, January 18, 2014
Nothing but the truth....the blog post about it all....
I don't blog a lot. Mostly because I don't feel like there is anything earth shattering to say....no pearls of wisdom to throw out there....no inspiring stories to motivate. But also partly because I know I have not thrown out my whole story. I have always been honest on my blog but there is a part of me that I have not shared and I often feel like I should...and that is my whole story. So many other bloggers openly share photos of where they came from and where they are now....not me. I just have not done a lot of that. Last year I was able to share more of my story with a group of close friends and some trusted people in my life. I know that not many people read my blog but maybe it is time to put my story out there. I know it would be good for me. So here is goes, complete with some photos.
I was always the fat smart kid growing up. I wanted to be an athlete but never could do the things I wanted to do. Running was hard. I was happier in my room, reading than anywhere else. My brothers were the athletes and they never let me forget that how I was not one. Every attempt to be something was a chance for ridicule. I have worked hard to get over the feeling of being inept or foolish. The first few months at the gym were enough to give me an ulcer...at least that is how it felt. First few events were even worse. But I digress from the points I want to share.
In college, I lost weight, lots of it so I know what it is like to be thinner but not healthy. I lost more weight after college on nutrisystem....again not healthy.
As I started to gain weight after my divorce from my first husband, I tried all the things that came out...slimfast, starvation, fat free, etc. Meeting my soul mate, I would have thought that my eating because I was depressed would have ended. Well, it did but the eating because I was happy started! As much as I have tried to blame circumstances for my issues, the truth is I let myself be fat and fatter. I chose to indulge and to be sedentary. I may not have known what to do but I knew what I was doing wasn't healthy.
Finally in July of 2007 I was at a point where I wasn't sure if I was going to wake up in the morning. I felt horrible all the time. It hurt to do anything. I knew that I was hitting what I call critical mass. It just couldn't go on. Most of my life was in a good place as far as my job and relationships....but my weight was out of control.
At that point, I got online and found the south beach diet. I committed that day. It started to work and weight started to come off. I finally added exercise in November, aqua aerobics. Do I even have to tell you how hard it was to put on a swimming suit to go to the rec center?
I have been through a lot over the past years. I struggled hitting plateaus, after trying so many diets, I finally understand that real healthy foods are what my body craves and have learned to listen to my body as it reacts to certain thing. I live my new paleo lifestyle happily for the most part.
I have triumphed through challenges. I know that my weight loss for six years hasn't been earth shattering but my mental and emotional transformation has been. I know that I am healthier than ever. I know how to listen to my body. I appreciate my lifestyle of real food and real exercise. BUT I am still struggling to see scale victories that seem to elude me even when I put in the work.
I am not giving up. I will still toil away. Sooner or later, my body will hit its stride, I know it will. After all, my mind has already made major changes, the physical just needs to catch up. This photo is from July or August of last year....before starting some major strength training. I should probably update it soon as I know I have lost inches, even if the scale is not budging.
There photos don't lie...there is my story. My total weight loss has been about 150 pounds with about 80 pounds or so to go...not exactly sure as I don't have a goal weight as much as I just want to be within a healthy range for my body and be able to do the things I want to do.