Do I really have goals?

Things continue to go well on the metabolic reset. I am in week three. I am a little bored but I can push through that. One more week of these particular workouts and we will see how they get changed.

Other than that, the other trainer I am working with during the circuit class has been talking a lot about goals and such. Well, his idea of what one's goals should be definitely does not fit with mine. That is, he had everyone indicate what they wanted their BMI to change by during the three month class. If you know me, setting a goal like this has failure written all over it. I haven't set that goal. I honestly do not care if it is measured for whatever statistics they need for the class but I am not going to have an individual goal.

Last night he talked a lot about visual goals and his idea of what a visual goal is again differs from mine. I have visual goals but they have nothing to do with what my body will look like. My visual goals involve seeing myself crossing the finish line of another half marathon or seeing myself finally deadlifting over 200 pounds (my PR on the deadlift is currently 176 -- two 88 pound kettlebells, which was the highest I could do so I am not sure how much I could have deadlifted). My visual goals are all about doing something that I would have thought impossible just a few years ago.

I do have goals. They just do not conform to the typical goals others may have. I have been at this for far too long and I know what hurts my mindset and what types of goals really do motivate me. A pounds lost or a BMI change just do not but wanting to get up to the top of the Manitou Incline in less than an hour, well, that motivates me. Lifting heavy weights and being strong is definitely a motivation. Punching the heavy bag harder and more consistently motivates me to keep going. Running stronger and longer and maybe even faster...yep, motivation.

Now reaching these goals will be possible with continued weight loss. AND BMI shifts should be a by-product of meeting these goals. Does it really matter that my goals are in a different form than expected or than can be articulated in a words that others understand? Nope, because the goals are MINE and MINE ALONE. I have my bucket list. I think in the coming weeks I may do another vision board to see how they changed since the last time I did one.

(Side note -- last time I did a vision board, I finally realized that I really wanted to run. At that time, it was a 5K that I was focused on and, well, running became a reality. It was interesting that before I did it, I never thought of it as being something that was on my "bucket list." I do think vision boards are a little silly but I guess they can be helpful too.)

I broke the dress code at work today....

Yesterday's events in Boston were disturbing to all of us. I lived in Boston for four years. These four years I was not healthy. I was not a runner. I was not active. I did, however, watch the marathon each and every year. I watched with friends. We would cheer for so many people. My favorite parts were cheering for those that simply couldn't believe they were there and were running with so much heart. Even then seeing people collapse in heaps of sweat and tears was inspiring.

For me, it was one of the best days of the year. It was a fun day. I am stunned that after yesterday it is not ever going to be the same. I am stunned that people will not be able to enjoy the day as we did those years that we were in Boston. I am shocked that so many innocent people were hurt at an event that is so inspiring to so many. I cry because of those lives that were lost. I am angered because someone decided to make a some sort of point in such a senseless manner. I just don't understand.

Even though I was not a runner in Boston, I know have struggled through many events myself. I just cannot fathom what the runners were dealing with on that day. The utter sense of fear that had to strike so many. The confusion of the moments after the blasts had to be horrible. To go from being focused on the finish line as the one and in only goal to worrying about the lives of friends/family waiting for them at the finish or for the city that they love...well, I just hope no more of us ever have to go through that.

There is not much I can do for a city that I feel a connection to...Boston. Even though I voluntarily moved from the city, I do still have fond memories and feelings for so much the city has to offer. Like many, I wonder what I could do from so far away. The truth is there wasn't much I could do but I could make a symbolic gesture and follow what is going around social media about wearing running shirts to show support for the city and the runners. So, I broke the dress code today at work and wore a shirt from one of my events last year.

A small gesture I know but I am a runner...and I support all that showed such a testament to the human spirit in the wake of such evilness.

Week 1 of metabolic coaching....

I made it through the workouts. I am not saying they were easy but they were not what I would do and definitely at a lower intensity for the most part. I still sweated...but didn't hit a single heavy bag and didn't swing a kettlebell. I did some running intervals the day that I was in zone 3. 

I have three more weeks of these workouts. I can and will do it.

I do need to get my head wrapped around the whole concept that working harder doesn't mean better. I guess if I put into perspective of the changes I have made to my lifestyle regarding food, it makes sense. I have to do what is right for my body. I need to be sure to be healthy first.

The hardest thing is that I have to put off some challenges I was hoping to meet this year. I am not sure if I will be able to compete in a triathlon or a half marathon. I am disappointed about that but I am trying to remember that this could help me be able to complete physical challenges and maybe even get some better results in the future. It is not the end of the world....and it is okay if I am not "amazing" this year. 

I know it may seem like I am a bit of a "train wreck" to use the phrase popular with some bloggers to describe other bloggers that talk continually about their struggles and that switch things up over and over again but I am listening to my trusted advisers and more importantly to my body. I could keep going on with the activities I was doing and continue to see a lack of results. BUT I am not going to as I want to see progress on the health level (which is excellent to date...my doctor is pleased)....on the fitness level (this is a struggle but I will get there)....and on the scale (yep, it is last...if the other two get there, this will as well).

Challenge issued and I accept it

I did my metabolic testing at the gym this past week. The results were confusing at best but I am trying to work through it all. One thing that is clear with this testing and the adrenal testing I did earlier is that I am working out at an intensity level that is probably not sustainable for me. I am told that I need to rebuild my aerobic base. So, that is what I am going to do.

For once I am going to stick to a workout plan that may not be exciting but it is likely best thing for me. I am working out at a much lower intensity. So, far I have done two days of the workouts. Tomorrow morning I will do a third. I am not happy about it all but I really want to be able to do more and reach some fitness goals so I am doing it. I have also put some things on hold, like my boxing classes and running. Since I have to monitor my heart rate, I know that these activities are not ones I can easily do and keep my heart rate in the right range. A couple of months of taking a few steps back and I hope I will be able to start training for some things again.

I also discovered another class at the gym that I like. It is a class with circuit training on two days and a cardio portion on another day. The time I was introduced to it, I really enjoyed the circuit portion. Although I lift weights on my own and have good strength, this is an area that I struggle with how to stay accountable. I miss the strength training of kettlebell classes. I spoke with the trainer that did the testing and who is helping me with a program to rebuild my aerobic base and she is in favor of me doing this class. The only problem with the class is the cardio day as I am confused/frustrated with what I should be doing during the class and still stick to the change in program that I am working through to rebuild my aerobic base. Well, after a cranky night at the gym and talking to Kim (the trainer/metabolic coach), I committed to three months of the class. Kim and the trainer that is leading the class will be helping me work through what I should be doing on the cardio day.

Now to the challenge that was issued by Ben (the class trainer), who said that he was willing to help me keep my program on the cardio days in sync with my aerobic base; BUT once I built my aerobic base back up, he was not going to accept any excuses when I was back to high intensity interval training. He was going to push me harder than anyone else. He may not believe me but I am looking forward to it. As much as I can push myself to work out harder, I look forward to having someone pushing me harder than I push myself. I want to be stronger and fitter and I think this is a great step in that direction. Sometimes I wonder if someone else pushing me would allow me to reach higher levels and I hope I will find out with this class.

The other part of the testing was the measurement of my resting metabolic rate, which is the amount of calories you need to just live. My RMR actually increased from a couple of years ago, even though I have lost 50 pounds since that time. This likely means that my lean muscle mass increased over that time. That makes me happy. Of course, I am not really counting calories but I will be speaking with my nutritionist about the results.

As it turns out, this year may be one of just getting back in the right place after doing some amazing things last year. The testing is helping but I need to follow through and I am committing to that.