Bitch bitch whine whine whine....

Yep....that's all I have been doing for the last couple of days. I know that I am just letting stress get to me. There is a lot going on at work and my home is in disarray because of some remodeling we are doing. THEN I did the unthinkable....I stepped on the scale and let that destroy my day.

I am still going through the steps of a metabolic reset and trying to booster my adrenals. This means that I have not been working out nearly as hard as I have in the past or as much. I have gone from two workouts a day, typically an hour or more each to some days a 45 minute workout in zone 1. So, when I stepped on the scale (which I do not do that often) and saw a three pound gain from the last time I stepped on it, well, all I could see was that I was ballooning back up to where I started. I went through a tear filled day that day. Everything set me off.

As frustrated as I am, I am not giving up. I think that is important to put out there. I am afraid to give up. I may be on the cusp of finally reaping rewards of my hard work. It would be disastrous if I gave up now, wouldn't it? Honestly, I am afraid to give up. I have finally found people that I believe in to help me. I trust them. I am trying to trust the process they have me going through.
 
I do know that this whole process at the gym has been mentally trying as I have not been able to measure success as of yet. I have been able to run more lately and it feels good but I am not back up to the amount of running I was doing. I have sprinted faster than I have even sprinter before, well, on the treadmill. I can squat lower. All of these things are good but not necessarily signs of metabolic improvement.

There are none of the positive non-scale signs that everyone reminds me about....clothes fitting better, better sleep, etc. but I keep looking for them. So, there it is...my "bitch bitch whine whine whine" post. Today I will plant my garden and start to get my house back into some semblance of a home....and I may try to catch up a bit at work. BUT I am also going to take some long walks with my pups. I need some mental down time.